Tuesday, June 30, 2009

What a woman wants

Don't lie to me, guys: I know you spend countless sleepless nights wondering about it. You know your girl isn't always happy, but you don't know what the franchise you're supposed to be doing about it. Some guy in Hollywood tried to answer the question with that Mel Gibson movie from a few years ago. And maybe it helped--for awhile. But the dilemma is still plaguing you. Well finally, I have the help you've been looking for.
Here it is: we women, although we seem like selfless paragons of virtue (and in so many ways, we are) are still selfish beings. And this is what we really crave: the ability to choose. To choose without feeling guilty about it.
I realized this last night as I was snuggling up to my husband. He's leaving today for a week-long trip out to Oregon to see his brother. He asked if I'm going to miss him. Now this is a tough question. Not that I won't MISS him, but in some ways, it's a vacation for me too when he goes away. Here's why: at night, I get to decide when I want to go to bed. And when I do, I can read or I can go right to sleep, and I don't have to worry about what he would prefer. And this is what makes it beautiful: I get to choose. I decide when to close my sleepy little eyes, and there is no guilt about putting him out if he's not ready to sleep.
That's why ladies like Girls' Night Outs so much. There's something about going out for dinner or drinks and doing WHATEVER WE WANT! We don't need to wipe chins or consult on price limits; we order, we eat, and then we sit back and talk.
At this time, guys, you might be feeling a little put out. Maybe you don't like the idea that your girl wants to get away from you and hang out with other women. But really, you shouldn't think of it like that. Here's what I want you to think (and believe me: it will be good for you). When I get home from a GNO, I have spent a good two or three (or so) hours getting all the chatting done. I've talked about books I've read lately and the hottest guys on the silver screen; I've talked about what our kids are doing lately and what bugs me about parenting; I've talked about my hair and my flabby spots and I've gotten encouragement to keep working out; I've talked about trips I want to go on and places I want to see. In a few words: I've spilled out all that talking you tune out anyway.
When I come home, I don't need to rehash those things with you any more. You get to spend the rest of the evening with a quiet girl who is REALLY grateful that you let her spend a few hours with friends.
This is what your woman wants, guys. Time. Time to be young again with her girlfriends. To talk about food and kids and clothes and movies. Time to be selfish and crazy and laugh long and loud. Time to refresh so she can come back home and be a mom and wife. And in between those nights out with the girls, maybe an hour or two here and there by herself, an hour or two where she can do whatever she wants (selfishly) sans guilt.
Now, I'm not saying I have all the answers; I don't. But I'm pretty sure I've nailed this, for myself at least.


Ilona said...

Good one, Kir

Anonymous said...

You know. My gene for that must be turned off. I do love time with girlfriends, but working full time and with a husband who works full time, my real craving is to be with him alone. Not that I don't love my son or my family or my friends. there is just no one truly that I would rather be with than my husband. We never run out of things to talk about, reminisce about, dream about. They say in order to be happy, you need to be where you are. It is always a struggle for me emotionally to be with girlfriends. I feel guilty because I am longing for a night with my husband and here I am with my girlfriends while he is home taking care of my son. Maybe if I were home all day with my son I might crave that girl time more. Loved the ideas you shared, tho.

Adams Clan said...

I totally agree with you on this one. For me it is "without any guilt" that hits home. Sometimes I do stuff,either with friends or on my own, but feel guilty about leaving. I often end up thinking about what else I should be doing instead of enjoying my time with friends or on my own. I look forward to the long days my hubby is gone sometimes too. I also like to be able to choose when to go to bed, when to clear the table, when to read or whatever. I miss him terribly and love his company, but those moments when the choice is totally mine, without any guilty feelings, are a treasure too.

Very well said!! I love reading your blog, you always seem to put into words what I have been thinking, feeling or experiencing. I hope you enjoy your week!!


Kir said...

Dear Anonymous,

Thank you for putting my post into perspective. You are right in saying that spending one-on-one time with THE MAN is something that nothing else can compete with. I hope you (and other readers!) didn't get the impression that I give him short shrift.
I guess I just like variety, and, like Robyn said, not feeling guilty when I cater to my own desires.