Tuesday, June 30, 2009
What a woman wants
Don't lie to me, guys: I know you spend countless sleepless nights wondering about it. You know your girl isn't always happy, but you don't know what the franchise you're supposed to be doing about it. Some guy in Hollywood tried to answer the question with that Mel Gibson movie from a few years ago. And maybe it helped--for awhile. But the dilemma is still plaguing you. Well finally, I have the help you've been looking for.
Here it is: we women, although we seem like selfless paragons of virtue (and in so many ways, we are) are still selfish beings. And this is what we really crave: the ability to choose. To choose without feeling guilty about it.
I realized this last night as I was snuggling up to my husband. He's leaving today for a week-long trip out to Oregon to see his brother. He asked if I'm going to miss him. Now this is a tough question. Not that I won't MISS him, but in some ways, it's a vacation for me too when he goes away. Here's why: at night, I get to decide when I want to go to bed. And when I do, I can read or I can go right to sleep, and I don't have to worry about what he would prefer. And this is what makes it beautiful: I get to choose. I decide when to close my sleepy little eyes, and there is no guilt about putting him out if he's not ready to sleep.
That's why ladies like Girls' Night Outs so much. There's something about going out for dinner or drinks and doing WHATEVER WE WANT! We don't need to wipe chins or consult on price limits; we order, we eat, and then we sit back and talk.
At this time, guys, you might be feeling a little put out. Maybe you don't like the idea that your girl wants to get away from you and hang out with other women. But really, you shouldn't think of it like that. Here's what I want you to think (and believe me: it will be good for you). When I get home from a GNO, I have spent a good two or three (or so) hours getting all the chatting done. I've talked about books I've read lately and the hottest guys on the silver screen; I've talked about what our kids are doing lately and what bugs me about parenting; I've talked about my hair and my flabby spots and I've gotten encouragement to keep working out; I've talked about trips I want to go on and places I want to see. In a few words: I've spilled out all that talking you tune out anyway.
When I come home, I don't need to rehash those things with you any more. You get to spend the rest of the evening with a quiet girl who is REALLY grateful that you let her spend a few hours with friends.
This is what your woman wants, guys. Time. Time to be young again with her girlfriends. To talk about food and kids and clothes and movies. Time to be selfish and crazy and laugh long and loud. Time to refresh so she can come back home and be a mom and wife. And in between those nights out with the girls, maybe an hour or two here and there by herself, an hour or two where she can do whatever she wants (selfishly) sans guilt.
Now, I'm not saying I have all the answers; I don't. But I'm pretty sure I've nailed this, for myself at least.